The Portrait: aftermath and recovery

 from 9/12/24:

Here are a couple of pictures of Aftermath. 1) CLEAR SPACE on my drafting table! and 2) the portrait in my very crowded studio, after being moved off my drafting table and put where I can look at it properly...

 

9/18/24:

I am recovering... I told a good friend that hearing congratulations for this felt a bit like hearing "Congratulations, your child just died..." Does that sound weird? (Or maybe horrific - my apologies if it does...) But our projects are our children, and sometimes finishing a big one feels like a death: it was alive while I was working on it and it was changing (= growing); now it's no longer alive, and I feel it as pain...

That said, and, all the same,  getting congratulated helps me get through that. Because it isn't really a death, and certainly nowhere near the trauma that the real death of one's child is.

 

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The Portrait: getting a final photograph

from 10/26/24:

I've been a bit stressed over getting the final finished photograph of the portrait, when I saw that my little iPhone camera was getting more detail, clarity, crispness, than the photos the professional photographer took. And with watercolors, the edges, the lines, the dissolved granules in blends and washes, are so much what it's about, that I need that detail and clarity. So I wasn't sure what to do.

One possibility I'd proposed to the photographer was that I use my iPhone with her lighting setup. Turned out that wasn't possible, but she suggested that doing the processing on her high-powered program and system might help, so I considered that possibility.

When I went  over there this afternoon, what her camera was getting still didn't have the crispness we wanted, and she could see that. After trying to figure out what the problem was, she ultimately switched to a different camera, with the same lens, and - voila! Good photos! So, phew!

Here's the final photo:

 

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Finishing the Portrait

Holy cow - eight months since I last posted here. So now I'm going to post a bunch of catching-up posts.

First, the Portrait: this is from what I will call my diary, for  

9/5/24:

Ummmm... I think I may have FINISHED The Portrait today... or, all-but. It's TWENTY-SIX YEARS, almost to the day, since I started - I took photos on September 11, 1988. Phew!

 Here are two closeups:

and the full view:

 After this - 9/8/24 - I wrote:

I'm already looking at it and going, hmm, that cheek is not quite right... Nevertheless, it is definitely in its first stage of Finished. I'm going to get it professionally photographed; and then, what else it needs will probably reveal itself to me, and I'll do a bit more, and then get it professionally photographed AGAIN, once and for all.

Here's where it's gotten to - the whole, and some details:

 

9/28/24:

I got it photographed, and then worked an hour on it yesterday. Very mixed feelings. The woman who photographed it for me liked it very much, and also said that to her (as to me) it did not look quite finished; she said some of the same things about it that I've been thinking: needs a bit more contrast/drama (she calls it "making it pop," a phrase which actually I dislike, but the concept of it matches what I'm thinking), that it doesn't look quite real/solid yet. 

I think yesterday's work helped with that, possibly quite a lot, but I am also facing my discontent with my dad's face, and with knowing that how it is now is how it's going to be forever - specifically, a bit muddy and overworked in spots - which is a sad thought. Involving letting go. Which simply finishing, in general, involves anyway.

Posting these here gives me a bit of distance, though, and now I'm thinking, well, maybe it's okay...

 
A friend said, "I think it looks lovely! But I understand the feeling of 'just a bit more...' I think it's the same with any creative project, especially one you've worked on for a long time. It's really, really difficult to decide when it's finished."

To which I wrote:

Yeah... partly there's that point where you're still comparing it to what you had in mind, or (in this case) the actual people and their photos, before the shift to comparing it to itself. If that makes sense. And then coming to see that it is a good, complete, thing in itself...

10/1/24:

Okay. 15 more minutes today, and I. AM. DONE. 90 3/4 hours of work, over 26 years. I don't know if you can even see what more I did, but I did it. One thing was defining the window edges - taking the green of the trees more thoroughly to the frame - behind Dad, more fully. Plus a little more mustache, and  beard-shadow, and hairline.

 

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Latest work on Mom & Dad's portrait

I worked on this twice this week, the second time almost an hour. The experience is contradictory: on one hand, I feel like it's very close to finished. On the other hand,  the closer it gets to finished, the more that, when I look at it, it seems like it needs a LOT more work. And maybe it does... or maybe it only needs some more contrast in a few places, or something. Feels like it's getting harder to tell how much more work it needs, but I'll find out by doing more work. It could be really finished, or at least really all-but-finished, in another week; or it could be another month or two.

 Here's Mom. I think I'm feeling really happy with her; she might be finished. Just maybe.

Here's Dad, and another view of Dad, with his shirt... There are things I'm liking, and things I'm not quite happy with... but I did do a little more work on his elbow:

I think I can see some things to do that I think will make a difference. That's all I need, at the moment: the next few things to try.

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More work on Mom & Dad's portrait - moving forward; getting close...

 In the past three weeks, I've been working steadily on my parents' portrait.

I had paused it for about six months, then, with great trepidation, worked up to resuming work on it in May. One step was to announce, to a group I'm part of, my intention just to uncover it and look at it. (About a month before that, I'd announced to the group my gentle suggestion to myself that I might be ready to resume work on it. It took another month before I actually started again - but it was still May, just barely.)

Here's what I wrote after that first day back: "I did uncover The Portrait and look at it, this last week, and made a list of all the areas I want to/need to do more work in. I find lists really helpful! Especially at a late stage, where I'm kinda going, um, what does this still need, to be finished? Without a list I tend to answer that with "everything;" with a list, I'm able to start saying, okay, that part's actually finished, and so is that, and actually there's not really very much left to do..."

Here's the list:

(You can see it's written on the back of a car insurance thingy... that last word on that one line of the list? It's "drama" - edge Mom's shoulder and sleeve: contrast/drama." I love the thought...)

I did a bit on this in May, and then some various things intervened in June, including a little half-day Arts & Crafts thing at church, and then the weather, and some other things I forget, and it was another month before I did more. In late June I recommitted to steady work on it for the following week. But was feeling it difficult - scary - to get back to work.

Day One of the three days, the next week, I felt terrified beforehand, and deeply discouraged afterward. Well - afterward I was in full-on tantrum mode, if you want to know the truth...

Day Two: I celebrated that I did it! Just 15 minutes, on my dad's shirt, which felt way easier than working on faces. Given that it was rather hot here and I was sweating away, I was in a reasonable mood. The hot, dry air was challenging for painting. It was too easy to get a lot of hard edges, and not easy at all to soften them. But I felt okay about it. Neutral. Neither great nor horrible.

Day Three: Here's where it really started to shift. I worked 35 minutes, and was feeling decidedly more confident.

This isn't the first time I've experienced this three-day progression of feelings as I begin or get back into a working rhythm on a piece: the terror and despair; followed by kind-of-okay, I-think-I-can-do-this; followed by this-is-starting-to-feel-pretty-good! I find it important to note and remember those progressions. Then, when they hit (especially that Day One), I can go, oh, yeah, I remember this! It gets better...

The next week I only worked one day, and it was a skimpy 15 minutes, but it was helpful. Let's see if I can find the photo from that day:

Got it. I did more work on Dad's beard, which was fun, and some shadow on his face, which helped me see that working on the shadow side, for both of them, is a significant thing this needs.

Then I gave in to the weather, which was too hot, and by the following week I was getting ready to head down to L.A.

Those were some key moments in coming back to working on this portrait.

Last week I re-resumed work on it, following my L.A. trip. I worked twice last week and three times this week. (My working stretches, in case I haven't mentioned it, are not very long these days - sometimes just 15 minutes, sometimes 30 or 45 minutes.) Now it's feeling like I'm really coming to understand more about it, and also I'm enjoying "hanging out" with my parents this way.

Here's the latest:

Oh - have to back up a bit: there was a bit I added to Mom's hair, which then, of course, looked like it didn't fit/had been added. I've been working on making that fit it, which is finally working. Thank you, Chinese White! (Which I finally understand how to use...) Here's how it looked before:

Even though I darkened the window frame behind that, it still looks like an added-on blobby thing here, kind of. But now it's really better.

And another little bit I worked on, last week: Dad's hand around Mom's waist...

There it is, for the moment. I don't know how much longer it will take, but it feels like it's getting close.

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A newly gathered collection of recent mixed media abstracts

 As I was going through my work in preparation for a little one-day arts & crafts fair at my church (Unitarian Universalist Community of the Mountains (UUCM) if you're curious), I realized how much I liked some of the pieces I'd been  working on pre-pandemic. Sometimes it takes time and distance to see what you love about your own work; at least, for me it does.

I got a bunch of them matted; before I did that, I had good photos taken, so I'd have good photos for any of these that sold.

The more I look at these, the more I love them. I do see them as kind of a feeder stream for my Dream Surreal watercolors, but I'm also seeing them as lovely and important - if only to me - in their own right. I am reminded sometimes of Miro; sometimes of Kandinsky... and sometimes of nothing I can think of.

So I'm putting these up here as a series. Two of them appeared in my recent UUCM art show, and my photos of those two, the two collages, are not great, but they'll give you an idea. Of the rest, I think the photos are pretty good now.

1) Birth of the Sun Among Oaks: multi-color pencil, colored pencils, collage and watercolor

2) Carnation Chrysalis: multi-color pencil & watercolor? or maybe just watercolor

 3) Downward Oscillating Ripple: multi-color pencil, colored pencils, collage & watercolor

4) Drifting Down Through Basking Layers: multi-color pencil & watercolor

5) Elm's Reaching Arms: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 6) Jeweled Pool Reflection: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 7) Quartering Time: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 8) Rooted Cloisonne Plunge: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 9) Storm Front Passing: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 10) Tones & Vistas, Evening: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 11) Tornado Looming: multi-color pencil & watercolor

 

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More work on my parents' portrait

 It's been a while! I'm not sure if I've ever posted about the portrait-in-(very long)progress of my mom and dad. It started back in, um, I think 1996? 1998? Anyway, it's been going on for over 25 years now.

I haven't given up on it. I think it is close to completion. I think I could maybe get it done by the end of this year. One of the most terrifying things I've ever worked on - which is a big part of why it's taking so long... I'll post more of the back story in future posts, I think, but meanwhile, starting from now:

Here's a view of more-or-less the whole thing, as it looked about two years ago. It's distorted, as you can probably tell if you look closely, but it gives you a good idea.

A closeup of the dried grass arrangement, which I think of as part of Mom's portrait - she was growing and drying flowers and grasses, and arranging them, and she didn't really want to be seen herself...

Those dried grasses were a beast to paint. But I think I finally got them.

Mom's blouse - she sewed that, too:

Dad and his shirt (minus pocket protector with a HUGE weight of pens, pencils, notebooks and calculator, which I did NOT allow him to wear when I photographed them):

The latest of Mom:

The latest of Dad:

There you have it, for now.

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The Art Show: New DreamSurreal Watercolors and Other Work

 Okay, I'm going to take a shot at putting this show on view here. I don't know how well it will work; I would love to hear from you all, how well it works for you, and any suggestions you might have for improvement.

One other caveat: I don't have good photos of some of these pieces (sigh, boo!). I may try to get good photos, once the show is down. But for now, it is what it is. (You'll see which ones I'm talking about, I'm sure!)

First, a video (with a thump in the middle, where I bumped into the table or a chair while I was videoing):

[VIDEO]

I hope that works - I've never tried adding a video before, don't know how to post to YouTube - okay, NOW I know how to post to YouTube - or any of that. (Update - it says "video is unavailable," so I'll have to figure out more about that... deleting for now... Updated update: have now figured out how to post to YouTube, but not how to format a video so I can post it here...)

Next, in situ photos of the show - which is in the little library room of my church, Unitarian Universalist Community of the Mountains, in the northern California foothills - reflections and all.

And, spreads of the groupings - here's where my photos are not very good, in many cases, and for some of them I only have photos of the framed pieces, so you still get the reflection...

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Finally, the names of all the pieces (top to bottom, then left to right):

  1) Curtained Embryonic with Full Moon, 1996
                    watercolor on paper
  2) Satrine Tide in Eclipse, 1996
                    watercolor on paper
  3) The Horse's Ass Painting: a Self-Portrait, 1999
                    watercolor on paper
  4) I Think We Must Be Underwater, 2024
                    watercolor on paper
  5) Threaded Through, 2024
                    watercolor on paper
  6) Haiku Colors: Above the Earth, 2009
                    watercolor on paper
  7) Bow & Change, 1996
                    collage with rubberstamp
  8) Charged, 1996
                    collage
  9) A Kindness of Tendrils, 2024
                    watercolor on paper
10) Chickenfoot Serpentine, 1999
                    watercolor on paper
11) Haiku Colors: Sounding, 2009
                    watercolor on paper
12) Gimbal Cascade, 2019
                    collage with watercolor and colored pencil
13) Peasoup Jam Session, 2019
                    collage with watercolor and colored pencil
14) Downward Oscillating Ripples, 2019
                    collage with watercolor and colored pencil
15) Doppler Triffid, 2019
                    multicolor colored pencil and watercolor
16) Denning: Gone to Ground, 2019
                    multicolor colored pencil and watercolor
17) Infinity Horse, Interlaced, 2024
                    watercolor on paper
18) Haiku Colors: Haiku Sky, 2009
                    watercolor on paper
19) Haiku Colors: Incipient Reach, 2009
                    watercolor on paper

And - the Wall Intro.